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Take a Break (37​-​38)

from From 31 to 43​.​.​. in 28 Minutes! by Marisa Gasper

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Not intended for children.

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Take a “break” (Gasper - 3/19/19)

You know, you can eat geraniums. They taste kind of like carrots.

My unhappiness coincided with the beginning of my illness.

I really needed to “take a break,” but didn’t know what kind.

Some people after the fact said my illness was kind of like a big fuck you to everyone. It wasn’t conscious.

I danced a lot in this one. It started out the same, with messages from songs. But this time, I danced along.

The most obvious part of this one was my verbal diarrhea, hosted by social media. I let out a tirade against all my “friends” from high school.

My best friends got the worst of it.

Maybe I needed to “take a break” from friendship.

I also spent a lot of time at my Dual Diagnosis day program. My counselor there said I was eating the weeds outside the building. They were geraniums.

I spent most of my time outside there then. I needed to “take a break” from groups.

I remember one time I envisioned Kurt Cobain as a a robot being brought up from miles beneath the ground - in the elevator that went to my friend’s pharmacy. That was interesting.

And other times I envisioned my best friends trying to fuck and kill the “love of my life.”

He was the central subject of this illness, like in the 3 previous ones. In others, I thought he was locked in his mom’s garage, or running down the hallways of a hospital I was in, making the food we ate, or that my friends and family were keeping him from me.

Maybe I needed to “take a break” from reality…

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from From 31 to 43​.​.​. in 28 Minutes!, released March 21, 2019

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Marisa Gasper Los Angeles, California

www.DelusionalAsUsual.Bandcamp.com. Marisa Gasper doesn't know the word fear, because she pursues her creative visions wherever they take her. Her works explore life, often through sound, and transcend traditional dichotomies in service to healing expansively the rifts between heart and mind, sacred and profane, G*d and philosophy... ~ bio by Betsy Kenoff-Boyd ~Thank You! ... more

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